Love

Touchstone

Career

Though Strength is a promising influence on your love life, dear shy, you won’t be able to overcome your suspicions and doubts. And yet, the people closest to your heart are rallying round you to confirm the friendship or love they feel for you… Why are you not hearing the tender words that are being whispered to you? Those that love you will certainly need to be very persistent in order to help you get your self-confidence back today! At work, you'll be on sparkling form and have everything under control. The Empress in association with Strength gives you all the determination and intelligence you need to turn the situation to your advantage. Not only are you able to manage your daily tasks with an iron hand, you can also see the broader picture and anticipate events. What zip! But take care not to wear yourself out by the end of the day.

I am glad work is going so well for me, but I am sorry I can't hear you guys whispering.......

In other news, Laura's ring was overnighted to me last night. It is the prettiest ring I have ever seen. I took it straight to my State Farm agent to get insurance on it and the women in that office just had a fit over it. I don't buy rings, so I don't know if they just always act that way when someone brings a ring in, but it felt nice that they just wouldn't shut up about it. They asked if it was for me, and I laughed and told them definately not, and it was funny....that was all I said and the women were like, "well how are you going to give it to her?", "how long have you been together?", "does she have any idea you are going to ask her?"....I went into the back office with one of them to do all the paperwork and when we came out, the others had 50 different little plans for how I should give it to her.....it was funny.....who would have thought diamonds would be the thing that could transend the typical hatred and ignorance I normally experience from people who even acknowledge I am a lesbian......

They made me promise I would call them back and give them the details of how it went......

Seasonal Affective Disorder....

It's that freakin' time of year when you have to just about cut out of work at lunch to see any G.D. sunlight whatsoever! I can't stand "Standard Time"...like whos bright Fing idea was it for it to get dark at like 5p anyway?!?!?

Take today for instance, I needed to get home to spread the Scotts Winterizer that I bought last damn year on my yard. The instructions say to get it on there in Oct or Nov so I figure I have like OH...TODAY to get it done (yes, I know I have tomorrow..but I can't stand to wait to the VERY last minute). I rushed home to a semi-dark afternoon and before I could walk off the front lawn even once!...PITCH FREAKIN' BLACK! So now I do have to wait until the last minute to get the back yard in tomorrow. So as I am lugging my Scotts Speedy 3000 (yes I am a brand whore) back across the yard to the shed, it occurs to me.... Just at the time of year that the weather is turning colder than a witch's titty, you are hit with all these holidays to remind you that you didn't save enough/make enough damn money all year to show a little gratitude to all the people that are probably about to show their gratitude for you, and just to put a little icing on that misery cupcake, the days just shrink and shrink...until day and night are only measured by the fullness of your Tivo [ OH LOOK...Apprentice!...There must have been a Thursday ].

What I am trying to say is, I typically experience a little depression this time of year....this condition can be aggravated by things like $400 dollars worth of locked up Calipers on my Jeep, but that's another blog entirely (I will tell you that the moral of the jeep story is "The auto place closest to the beer store is not always the cheapest").

I was thinking of changing my hair to shake things up a bit for winter

MY MAGICAL SWOOP WON THE IRONBOWL!!!!! Just minutes into the game Cox threw that first touchdown and I knew Schwoopty power was in EFFECT! I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to check the swoop.....the perch, the swirl, the angle of incline....it all looked right and I knew the tigers were honed in to the expert football leadership I was mentally directing towards the field. "QUARTERBACK SACK!!! QUARTERBACK SACK!!!!", I was thinking and out of no where McClover was on top of tender Croyle (how you think you gonna get a Heisman and you can't even stand up for the sack! Brodie you big wus). What POWER I was feeling, could anyone around me tell that I was CONTROLLING THIS GAME WITH THE SWOOP?!?!?!?! I knew I had to take it easy in the second half....we had the lead and my lack of focus even got Al Borges tackled (sorry dude).

Afterwards we headed to Toomers Corner where the mob of fans was staggering to and fro and chanting Auburn mantra's. I have heard Tommy compare victory to the smell of burning lips and assholes, but for me it will forever remain a mixture of beer, broken glass, and moist toliet paper. That's just an Auburn thing.....

What you should know about my week is that I am on call. And this hasn't been one of those paged with a user hung up in the database sorta oncall weeks, it has been a terse and send dumps to IBM sorta, everyone on site monitoring systems sorta, why the hell am I in a class this week, sorta 65 hour deal. So I have been more than a little tense about this weekend's IRONBOWL match. I've known all week that I had to really bring my "A" game. I have worn ORANGE or BLUE or ORANGE and BLUE all week long. I even brought out the ALUMNI pin on a couple of the days when I thought my color combo was weak. I have the all clear from my management to be at the game today, although my pager could very well go off.....

As if that isn't enough to deal with, Laura found a marble like lump in her breast and we have been examing and mammograming that bad boy all week (looks like a fybroid, probably nothing, we're getting it cut out, end of story), plus I have been reviewing contracts for the 142K lakefront camp site we are about to purchase and build on. So I have been about 6 seconds away from my next panic attack all week...not a typical week for Shy. IRONBOWL weekend was here and I was looking for a sign.....

This morning when I woke up, I found that sign. It's the hair. I can't explain it for those that don't already know cause there just isn't time, but I have a SWOOP to my hair and today, it is a magical swoop. I knew it the minute I saw it in the mirror this morning. I worked real hard not to get it wet in the shower and it suffered a little damage, but it is still magical and I believe it will bring AUBURN victory if I can just get through the day without losing it. I wouldn't let Laura touch it with her hands, but she did spray it down with hairspray to help with the prevervation.

WAR EAGLE!!!!!

Never do I feel more queer than when I am surrounded by a mob of rebel flag wavin', battle dress uniform wearin', Van Hagar singin' rednecks. That being a given, I have to admit that I really had a good time at the season finally homecoming show of the Blue Angels. Laura and I wanted to do something with her dad so that he won't be so lonely. Laura's dad used to be a pilot for Eastern, so he really digs planes. The other thing that he is into is John Deere tractors. I think we are going to try to get to a tractor show with him at some point when Laura has more vacation. Maybe I can even learn to drive the RV at some point.
I am turning into such a red neck.......

It's good to be home finally. Laura and I had the best time in Miami, then we spent a day at Disney World and finally after we got home, we turned around and headed down to Pensacola with her Father to see the Blue Angels (haven't downloaded the pictures off the camera yet). Being out of work for two weeks is gonna make it an extra special bitch of a day tomorrow. Not only am I working a Monday (I am usually off on Monday's), but I am probably way behind on all my projects from being out so long. Oh well...the ME time was nice. 

I left myself only one chance to take the certification test this week. I made sure I drank plenty of beer last night at the Palace (a south beach gay bar) and then bright and early at 7a this morning I presented my slightly hung over, barely awake self at the testing area....with no reservation...and asked to be worked in. Just under an hour later I emerged as an IBM Certified Advanced System Administrator for WebSphere Application Server z/OS.


I just wanna tape my glasses up and play Doom for the rest of the day......

Laura will be here tomorrow!!! I am so excited. It's nice to be in a beautiful town, but even something good is lacking without Laura. I hope she likes this town as much as I do. If she has a good time, I am going to try to talk her into coming back for Aqua Girl weekend sometime. We usually do the whole lesborama in Pensacola for Memorial day, but at some point we will be in our 40's and we may have to look at elevating our game a little and trying to participate in something that not only is fun and full of lesbians, but has some redeeming social value at the same time. 100 percent of the net proceeds from Aqua Girl weekend benefit the Women's Community Fund, a not-for-profit-foundation whose primary mission is to promote the equality, strength, health, and visibility of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender women.


In cause you haven't gotten enough travel guide information from me about this city I have adopted, consider the following if you find yourself here:


World Erotic Art Museum

I keep driving past this place on Washington and thinking I need to check it out. Maybe I will have more of an update once I get around to that.


The Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival

I have never been here in April, and I have never been to a film festival, but this just sounds like a no brainer to me. If you are even half the queer that I am, I know you will sit through hours and hours of the most horrible gay and lesbian films imaginable just to find that one gem of a flick that reflects our community in a touching and real way. The next Incredibly True Adventures... could be out there just waiting for me to get a hold of.


Olivia Cruises

Many of these cruises leave from Miami. If money is a problem, but not your problem hop a boat to the galapagos islands, or the caribbean islands (women only).


No matter the reason, no matter the season, Miami is just a great place to visit. Laura is a huge fan of New York and I am hoping that when she gets here she will see all the culture of the Big Apple packed into the little blue and pink humid boxes that line Collins Ave.

Greetings from sunny Florida! I am enjoying South Beach Miami even though I am advised to expect some rain in the next couple of days. I miss Laura and I am looking forward to her coming down at the end of the week. I think we have decided to take a day to go to Disney world and either do the Magic Kingdom park or a waterpark (which we have never done before, but I suppose weather will dictate). Either way, it is just so much fun to hang out with Laura and we could really both use the free time. We have done nothing except deal with family stuff for a solid two months now and it is taking it's toll.

So Laura reminded me of a funny story the other day about her mother that I had forgotten. It was about four years ago I would say and I found out that Norma McCorvey (Roe from Roe vs Wade) was going to be having her first public speaking in La Grange, GA for "Save a Life" since converting to pro life. I was determined to get my copy of I am Roe autographed and I talked to Laura about going. Laura's mother had long been a supporter of Save a Life and was already planning to attend the event. We asked if we could tag along and I think her mother had to pay 100 bucks a piece for us to be able to attend. I was so excited!

So we get to the function and listen to Norma give her little speach. Immediately it is obvious why they picked La Grange, GA as her first stop on the tour. Norma has, what I would guess to be, about a 9th grade education. They had to prode her along and help her with leading questions....bless her heart...this woman has just been a pawn her whole life. First she becomes involved in a legal decision that can't possibly make it through the supreme court in time for her to terminate her own pregnacy...something that was never explained to her....and then she is abandon by the lawyers that she thought were trying to help her. Finally she has found a warm and loving family within the body of Christianity and now she carries their flag high and proud...and I am happy for her if she is happy, but it sure seemed to me that this is just one more nudge in the direction of someone elses cause... Anyway I get off track.

I had just read "I am Roe" so I was telling the story that is in that book to Laura and Mrs. Champion in the car on the way to La Grange. I mentioned that in the book Norma lives with her girlfriend and I wonder how the save a life people view her homosexual relationship. Well after the speaking time, Mrs. Champion pushes our way up to Ms. McCorvey to get my book signed and just when I have all that I came to get I hear Lucy spout out, in a room full of evangelical Christians, "So how is your LESBIAN lover? Do you see her anymore?"

Norma was dumb in her tracks.....all eyes were on her...

"No"

I miss Laura's mama so much and I am so grateful for all the funny memories we have of her......this is a gem I won't let slip away again.....

Okay....so I have done it now...I have finally, actually gotten the cash money to buy the ring to ask Laura to marry me.... Now I know that most of my good friends know that we have been planning to have a wedding next year for some time now...and don't get me wrong, I want our wedding to be everything that Laura has ever dreamed about since she was a little girl. I am just so pround that Laura has chosen to have me as her partner and I really hope that my actions convey the utter adoration I feel for her in my heart. We have chosen the Jule Collins Smith Museum in Auburn, Alabama as the site of our wedding and I have no doubt that with Laura at the helm it is going to be about the most beautiful thing imaginable.

That being said.....money is something I have a hard thing parting with...so the fact that I am now wholeheartedly commited in mind, spirit, and wallet to actually purchasing this ring she has chosen, well....it's a wierd place for me to be in. So I have been thinking about the ring thing and I have decided that my theory is that she is taking a huge risk by marrying me....I mean I don't care if we end up poor or rich...not that sorta risk. The risk is just in the giving of herself to me in marriage...and I to her......the risk is the promise that I will always cherish her like I do now, and that I will always put her first, and that I will gladly make any sacrifice for her happiness. I am thinking of this ring as a symbol of that willingness....it would tickle me shitless to just go out and buy a couple of 72 inch high definition flat screen TV's, but I am not doing that.....so who wants to help me with my vows?

I am so tired of listening to my conservative co-workers comment on the atrocity of the events in New Orleans right now.  Today I was sitting in my cube and I heard one of my neighbors herald the Governor of Louisiana for issuing the shoot to kill order.  You know, I think that was the right move, and I hope that it will be executed in a manner that restores law to that area and minimizes death, but when I hear someone talking about how they ought to just start shootin' all those people, it just sorta makes me sick.  I know I can be naive, but I really believe that most people are basically good people and that desperation makes good people make bad decisions, and that it is only a small number of people that have adopted a total disregard for life and taken up arms down there in New Orleans. Anyway, the guy is like "isn't that governor a democrat?" and the guy next to me is like "YEAH....She's one of those liberal democrats!!".  And he says this all the time..."Liberal Democrat" and with such disdain in his voice and just finally I was sick of it so I asked him...."Do you know any conservative democrats?" and of course he said "NO" (although I believe they do exist), so I continued "So can we agree that saying liberal and democrat together is sorta redundant......like saying 'he was a white Caucasian'." No comment from that side of the aisle.

I have to tell you though...I am sick of being vilified for being a liberal.  This country was founded on principles of civil liberty and yet I am regarded in the south as a fascist because I stand up for those liberties regardless of consequence. The word "liberal" comes from the work "Liberty"...when did that become a bad word in this country?  I look at my conservative neighbors and I agree with them on a lot of issues, smaller government, less taxes, sure, fine, but they lose me on the "compassionate conservatism" campaign.  I don't see the compassion in hatred of immigrants and other races, I don't see the compassion in slashing social programs that barely keep the poorest of us from dying altogether.  It is incompatible with my concept of compassion to let people starve to death in this country.  Forget compassion, it's not even Christian.....  It's not my business to know if someone is a lazy nigger [something you hear a lot in the south] or victim of circumstance...it doesn't even factor into my consideration.  See real compassion, real Christian love, compels me love everyone equally to the best of my ability and free of charge, regardless of whether their own actions have left them responsible for their position or it's something the world has thrust on them.

I  guess I am gonna call that "Compassionate Liberalism"

It's most certainly Mahatma time, and although my golf game has not improved since I first picked up a stick, indeed my clan will be pimpin' it in style.  Today my sweetie bought me Nike "LESBO" Mojo golf balls for the tournament. I seriously doubt it will effect my score, but once again she hits a hole in one in my heart for being so perfectly Laura.

Beautiful girl Darwinism in action......



I was in a meeting all day Tuesday. The thing I notice about big meetings is the smells. During that morning hustle and bustle for coffee, all the girls are walking about and each of them has a distinct powdery smell that just sorta blends in the air to create a veritable potpourri of nasal pleasure. I guess it reminds me of being little. My mother stayed in the damn bathroom for an eternity! What the fuck does she do in there? I will go to grave without the answer to that one question, but what I can tell you is that as soon as the door would finally fling open, a whoosh of powder, and soap, and perfume would fill the entire house. It's one of the strongest memories I have.


So anyway...girls smell good, I guess we all sorta know that already. And if you are in a meeting of 40 or more people, there is a good chance there will be about 4 really hot chicks in your meeting with you. That's what I have noticed anyway, could be a southern thing. So today I strategically selected a seat in the rear of the room with a space on either side. (Guy code* was pretty much guaranteeing me that I wouldn't have to sit next to a boy). So one girl comes in and lingers towards the back evaluating her seating options, I was careful not to make eye contact with her. Sometimes you just have to feel the force and resist the urge to communicate anything that would be outwardly detectable. She lingered for a moment, then settled into the chair next to me. The great thing now is that the rest is bound to work out. You can just sink back in the cut and let in unfold. Assuming the room still isn't just full slap up, you don't have to do a thing to get one of the other three hot chicks to sit down on the other side of you. See...straight girls can also pick out those approx four hot chicks in the room and they are highly competitive creatures. I think that dictates a lot of the choices they make. Now I could wrong about all this, but about 3 minutes after...and we'll just call her "hot girl #1".... sat down on my left, hot girl #2 took her place on my right. I don't manipulate these findings, I'm just an observer of this world...


*When seats are available, you are a complete homo if you sit right next to another boy, or in my case a raging dyke.

Lesbos, Toliet Paper and Prostate health...

I love being at home on Mondays... No doubt I have a list of shit I am supposed to be doing a mile long, but Monday is my haven...Monday's I close off everything and just do me. Monday was muggy and miserable outside, I worked on my little brothers computer most of the morning and then I went with him to his appointment with his urologist (he won't let me talk about what's wrong with him cause he thinks it makes him sound like a fag.....men....). We shopped plasma TV's and played Tiger Woods golf to get his mind off the experience. Speaking of urine, here is something maybe not everyone thinks about. Lesbians go through shit pile of toilet paper. I don't mean to imply that gay women actually use more paper than straight women...I known plenty of straight women and the one observation I can offer is that women in general are pretty uncompromising about the quantity of TP they believe is necessary to get the job done. No...it's more just the fact that there are two women....all the time... I mean we don't even have kids yet and every time I turn around I am at the SAMS CLUB buying the mega pack of Charmin. Maybe this whole hetero fixation is just the natural order of a society of people that wanted to balance out toilet paper usage? I sorta imagine my girls hangin out on the isle of Lesbos, and the damn septic tanks start filling up
...crap is backing up everywhere!! You know there isn't a woman on the planet that is going to be dealing with that little situation...so they called in a plumber...had him shipped to the island and when we got back to Greece or where ever the hell you would get a plumber from in Lesbos, he told this story of all these women, and all this toilet paper. I imagine right about then, some jack ass politician...BAM....DOMA...and girl on girl love was a sin....thinking about my toilet paper budget....guy could have been on to something.

Last night The Tiny O's got together to talk about beer and golf at a local eating establishment. It was agreed by all that the game itself will not be the strong suite, while the style of our members is sure to impress. I can't imagine who knocked us out of last place last year, but rest assured we will not be defeated this time around......

So it's been a bit of a weird week. I don't work on Mondays and then Tuesday I didn't go in because it was our "disaster recovery" exercise. I don't know how many people would be familiar with the concept of an exercise like this, so I will try to explain it. It's like, you pretend that the place you work got blown up or burnt to the ground...just isn't there. Now if you're smart, you'll been backing up all the data it takes to build again...and hopefully your backups aren't in that building you lost. So maybe you've lost some of your 6 figure people too, because their over achievers and they were probably working late or something...maybe in fact you just have someone like me....and my laptop. Now, I don't know what it takes to put everything back together....hell I barely know my job at all...so now you get some phone calls together with whoever else is left and everyone starts putting the pieces back. You're building is gone so hopefully you have a buddy with a few spare machines laying around. You have the operating system folks and they will get you some sort of something put together to work on, while the data people are loading all that backup data to the few thousand hard drives you've had to round up. So mostly DR is just waiting...waiting for someone to tell you it's your turn to do the tiny piece you might just manage to get fixed. My piece was to restore one of the pieces of software that we run....I waited about 5 hours then took about 15 minutes to get my piece running (it doesn't always go so smoothly, but I was lucky). Someone else after me figures out how to get all the business data back in order and someone after that figures out if all the business is fit to run. This can take days or it can take hours...it really just depends.

So the week was off to a weird start, but by Wednesday I had settled back into my normal hours. I left early Wednesday, took a tour of one of our buildings, drank some beer at the mall, met my sweetie at home and went out to our local pub for some din din and adult beverages. It was karaoke night. I don't care what sorta week you are having, karaoke is just surreal isn't it?

The Jolie lesbian wanna be principle of female lust...


Okay...so having a picture of Angelina Jolie anywhere on your profile makes you a lesbian. I have decided this and I want to fix my page to have a picture of her so people don't get the wrong idea about me, but I am just not sure where to work her in. I mean....I AM A LESBIAN...and even though Angelina is freaky as hell and wears blood and can't act, she is on my short list of people I can F if the opportunity ever comes up. I already have the go ahead from the GF. But why is she a lesbian icon. I mean has she done lesbian films??? There was Gia...but come on....Gia isn't exactly "Bound". It is no where near as erotic as Jennifer Tilley's baby voice whisper that subliminally says "come F me" with every word. It certainly wasn't a feel good movie, no baby dyke drama and clumsy first romance like "The Incredibly true Adventures of Two Girls In Love". It doesn't even get a nod for being artsy like "Go Fish". Yet, what I have noticed is that a picture of Angelina pretty much seals the deal, YOU ARE A LESBIAN.... I don't care if your profile says, bi-curious, I don't know, didn't answer, when I see that picture on your site....my mind is made up.

Last night we ate at Speakeasy with Kiffany and Tim and talked about big diamond rings, babies, and their recent trip to Vegas. They had a lot of pictures they had taken and one of a 240K diamond ring they picked out for Laura. Today we went out and about Columbus running some errands and shopping. I got one of those cool new Oral B toothbrushes. We bought some steaks and cooked out at Lisa's house for dinner.

T.G.I.F'ing.F

That's right it's Friday... and if you wonder how I spend most of my days for most of the hours that I am awake and sober, just have a gander at this. Yes, I am a hamster in the ever well kept farm of office cubicles. My cage is nicer than most I think. I have the fully adjustable keyboard tray (goes up and down as well and in and out) and a comfy gel pillow for my mouse wrist. Some of the office booty just comes with time. Like a roach in the dark of the kitchen, you scurry into the neighboring cube when a soldier is fallen and you take only what you think you can get away with. For me that has amounted mostly to IBM reference manuals for products I don't know the slightest thing about. And usually when I do find some use for say, the IPCS Dump Anaylsis guide and reference (IPCS - Interactive Problem Control System), it is no where to be found. I CAN PICTURE IT IN MY HEAD DAMN IT!! IT WAS THICK AND WHITE WITH IBM ON THE SIDE!!!! HOW CAN ANYONE LOSE A BOOK THAT WEIGHS 75 F'ing POUNDS, SHY!!

I can't answer that.....some things just don't work on Fridays....

Okay....so last night I watched IMAX: SPACE STATION. Having grown up in Huntsville,AL home of Marshall Space Flight Center I have always had an interest in space related technologies. But that's not what got me bloggin' today. One of the astronauts in the movie, Flight Engineer John S. Voss, is an Auburn Alumni. A retired Army colonel, Voss was born in Cordova, Ala., and received a bachelor's degree in aerospace engineering from Auburn in 1972, where he was a member of the university's varsity wrestling team. Even though Voss has a master's from the University of Colorado, it's clear that Auburn is his true love. I'm watching the movie and as an Auburn Alumni myself, I am so touched to see that John takes the Auburn Spirit everywhere he goes. The movie depicts his Auburn pendant in his sleeping quarters, and show John working out in full AU attire.


John Voss was the back-up crew member for two missions to the Russian space station Mir, during which time he lived and trained for two years at the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Center in Star City, Russia. During 2001 he lived and worked aboard the International Space Station as a member of the Expedition 2 crew.

Voss has logged 201 days in space, including four space walks totaling 22 hours and 35 minutes of extravehicular time. Most recently he was a management astronaut working in the Space Station Program Mission Integration and Operations Office as a deputy for flight operations.

I know that a bachlors degree is a requirement for a NASA astronaut, so every one of those guys and gals went SOMEWHERE. I have to say I have never seen such public display of school pride from other astronauts. It's a reminder to me about what it means to be an Auburn graduate. I just don't think other people feel that way about their schools. I don't think there is any other place you can go that gets into your heart the way that Auburn graduates will tell you Auburn does. It makes me feel special to be a part of that legecy and I am so proud of the accomplishments of my brothers and sisters from Auburn.

Not everyone that can ingest liquid should. At least that is what I have observed. While some have an apparent infinite capacity for such behavior, it sticks me a odd that this act should hold such appeal even if presented with the most dire of consequences.

Darwin says "It may be said that natural selection is daily and hourly scrutinising, throughout the world, every variation, even the slightest; rejecting that which is bad, preserving and adding up all that is good; silently and insensibly working, whenever and wherever opportunity offers, at the improvement of each organic being in relation to its organic and inorganic conditions of life. We see nothing of these slow changes in progress, until the hand of time has marked the long lapses of ages, and then so imperfect is our view into long past geological ages, that we only see that the forms of life are now different from what they formerly were."

Now girls...we have to apply this wisdom to our bar rituals as well. Alcohol only speeds up the process so that we can observe it's effects. Everyone know that alcohol is the social lubrication required to make us take those awkward first steps. This is preserving and adding the good, creating the opportunity that you will be naturally selected perhaps, but once one has dulled the senses to the point of bar fighting and falling down......well....