On being your mom...

Being a mom doesn't come naturally to me. I adore your sister...I adore you already, adoring is something I can do well. The mothering part...that's a struggle for me. I don't think that makes me a bad mom, but it does feel like I have to work at it harder than some. Since I was a very small girl I imagined my babies and I knew that I wanted very much to be a mother. Everything else about my adult life was a bit of a blur. I didn't know if I would marry a man, I didn't know if I would stay home and raise my baby like my mother did. I am still reminded everyday that I don't have a clue what I am doing. You will learn very early in your life that sometimes you just need to fake something long enough and eventually, maybe before you even realize it, you won't be faking it anymore. A beautiful thing I know about your mama is that she has a magical ability to make anyone around her believe that they aren't faking at all. When I met your mother, I started to believe all sorts of things about myself that she somehow made come true. I pretty much knew the minute I met her that this sorta power was something I should harness and tuck away for my future family. You're welcome by the way.

Goodbye first trimester...

Today mama and I got to see you again and you are beautiful my tiny. Just like I remember Lucy when she was your size. Your little feet were just kicking and moving. You were full of energy. Your heartbeat was between 170 and 180 beats per minute. We asked the ultrasound technicians if they thought you were a girl or a boy. It was very hard for them to get a look at you because you were moving so much, but the consensus right now is that you are a boy. I promise we won't buy you anything until we know for sure. Mama told your grandfather that you were going to be coming in April last night. Your due date is 10 April 2011. That is your uncle David's birthday, Aunt B's birthday, and your grandmother Lucy's birthday (not that I am pressuring you to hit that date perfect or anything). It was so good to see you again my baby. Mama works very hard to keep you safe and comfortable. She is watching her diet and exercising. She is a good mama...you are going to like her very much.

Video of your heartbeat

Support Systems....

Mama and I went to north Alabama this past weekend to visit your grandparents and your great grandmother. One day last week I called your grandmother and told her you were coming. I see how she is with your sister and I feel like I know when she lays her eyes on you that she will instantly be in love with you as I am already. It's sad for her that she wishes you were coming from my tummy and mama and I wanted that too for different reasons, but most of all we wanted/want you to be healthy. We wanted to get you here before our window of opportunity closed forever. Our family is complicated. That's something you can expect us to be talking about for a very long time to come my child. You won't be the only person you know with a family like ours, but there is a good chance you won't know many. Being different isn't bad, but it is...well...different...and that can evoke some pretty strong feelings in some people. If you can love and you are loved (and you are) there is nothing you won't overcome.