Pretty eyed, pirate smile...

For the first six months or more of your life, I rocked you to sleep every single night. As you got older, it was a job that I shared with Mama and we put you to bed together. It's been a couple weeks now since your mama and I decided that with Max on the way it would probably be best if we start getting you used to only one of us putting you to bed. You're our whole world right now and bedtime has been our special time to be together as a family and just hold you and let love fill the silent dark void. It's been one of my favorite things about being a mom. I love holding you and rocking you. I love the smell of your hair. I love your little baby hand on my neck. I love the weight of your tiny body as I carry you to your crib, put Bunny Raitt in your arms and tuck Bank Bank around you. I know that you won't be in my arms that way forever and I love these moments now. Which is why I was in a panic after we started the solo mommy sleep pattern. My first couple of nights something strange happened. Something that is terrifying as a parent. I gathered all your bedtime gear and went to the rocking chair with you and we had rocked about three times then you wiggled yourself to the ground walked over to your crib and pointed. You looked so grown up standing there. I could read your mind as you stared at me, "I'm sleepy...can we skip all this cuddling business?". It broke my heart, but I put you in your crib then went to Mama and told her how sad I was. I am relieved to tell you that it was only those couple of times and now you are back to letting me rock you, but still I know a time is coming. If there's anything you can do about it, I just want you to know that Mommy isn't ready for you to be so grown up. As we drove home from work/school yesterday listening to Tiny Dancer on the radio, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my toddler sleeping in her car seat. I can see that you are getting older, but sometimes I still get a glimpse of my tiny baby too.